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New to Large? Here's a highlights reel to illustrate what you can expect from everyone's favourite topical radio show:
Click here for episode 201 onwards | Click here for episodes 100 to 151
Episode 200 |
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Absolute scenes this week, as the new Health Secretary contracted Covid after about a week in the job, while Johnson and Sunak concocted an excuse for not self-isolating so week that Mike would have been ashamed at using it. So bad was it that they changed their tune 12 hours later, despite sending ministers out to defend their original decision the previous day. In other news, the track and trace app is on goofballs or something, with an estimated million people expected to have to self-isolate in the coming weeks. So much for Free-Dumb Day eh?
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We've been here before haven't we? All manner of medical experts, virologists, epidemiologists, trade unions and other heads of state are saying that unlocking everything while removing the mandate for wearing masks and social distancing is provocative at the very least. At worst it is an invitation for vaccine-resistant strains to fill their boots and infect the world all over again. This nightmare is not nearly over apparently, and herd immunity is now policy once again, for the young this time.
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Well, it came Rome. We may still be grieving, but we have to process this disconsolate moment. This doesn't feel the same as other tournament exits, where we laud ourselves as brave casualties of mere fortune while other teams continue without us. We took it to the very last kick, and were clearly worthy of being in the final. We just fell to a (slightly) superior side. Besides this, our melancholy marauders discuss the semi finals and the ugly fallout from the shootout defeat. Don't miss it!
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*sigh* Just when we thought that the NHS vaccine programme had gotten us out of this nightmare, Boris Johnson left the borders open to allow the Delta Variant in. Then, we thought it may be okay because on 'Freedom Day' we would tentatively reopen with precautions in built-up areas indoors. Of course, we were foolish to believe a government that has consistently blundered and ignored the science would finally learn its lesson, and sure enough, the idiots are proclaiming that nobody should even have to wear masks anywhere or socially distance after mid-July. Since recording, numerous health bodies and trade unions have denounced this lunacy, but here we are.....again. Buckle up everyone!
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Mike and Aaron are unusually chirpy as they review the four Euro 2020 quarter finals, possibly because they were decent games, but more likely because it's coming home. Maybe. Enjoy hearing the two armchair hooligans wax endlessly lyrical about England absolutely curbstomping Ukraine in the Eternal City!
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While Matt Hancock was getting himself into the mother of all predicaments, Mike and Aaron were watching the hilarity unfold and taking notes, so they could unleash a Lockdown Large special on the contemptuous worm. Enjoy!
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Get the lowdown on the final group games and Round of 16 in a special extended EXTRA TIME! Featuring the resurrection of the Danes and the Spaniards, the most glorious day of tournament football ever and England finally knocking out the Germans!
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Mike and Aaron take you through week two of the Euros, as Germany have something of a renaissance, while Italy and the Dutch seem to set the standard. After some initial great goalkeeping, the own goals and howlers have also started coming, which is always hilarious. You'll also hear the lowdown on England - are they boring no-hopers, or is Southgate hoping to emulate Portugal in sneaking the tournament with pragmatic grinding?
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With the delayed Euro 2020 finally upon us, Lockdown Large debates which exactly was the most entertaining tournament since the backpass law came into being.
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Mike and Aaron get their teeth into the first weekend of the delayed Euro 2021, fighting through some technical glitches to offer their thoughts on England's first opening win in Euros history, the diabolical coverage of Christian Eriksen's trauma and Scotland's halfway line Schick-erpunch, amongst other things.
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With the delayed Euro 2020 finally upon us, Lockdown Large debates which exactly was the most entertaining tournament since the backpass law came into being.
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Like the brats booting the back of the car seat on a long journey, Lockdown Large wants to know when exactly we're going to get to swap our Covid masks for gimp masks so we can get hassling some undercover cops in nightclubs and is not too patient about it now.
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Kante deserves a Ballon D'Or, City bottled it and Werner couldn't finish his dinner are a few of the hot takes from Mike and Aaron on the all English Champions League final. See if you agree.
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Lockdown Large presents a feature-length breakdown of the rogue's testimony - Dominic Cummings. Yes, it's time to get excited, as key government figures begin hurling outrageous accusations at each other with abandon. The Barnard Castle Mr Magoo takes on the Blustering Buffoon Billy Bunter and the Hancock the Cowardly Worm for the title of lyingest liar to ever lie in public. Who will win the coveted title? Only one thing's for certain at this juncture: Johnson will once again escape any kind of consequences, and we'll all be left to pick up the tab for his mess as usual.
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Mike and Aaron analyse the season just passed and pick their best players and ultimately best eleven from the season without reason. Who have we missed?
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No bad news on the vaccine efficacy on the Indian variant thus far, so it's been a relatively positive week, what with us being able to return to our alehouses and opium dens. It may not be such a good week ahead for Boris Johnson, by the time Mr Magoo of Barnard Castle has finished off the barely perceptible atoms of credibility still left of Johnson's reputation as leader of this pitiful nation, but then he's survived every other normally fatal lapse in basic ethics so whose to say the Teflon Fatberg won't shoot clear of this absolute rinsing too.
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In this curiously compressed season, there have been a number of players we thought were destined to reach the next level, and a number of players we'd dismissed as difference makers...but we have been proved wrong.
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We warned you, didn't we? The man who never learns lessons has once again dithered and hoped a problem would go away by itself and now its here. We've allowed thousands of people to fly from India and spread the variant around the North West and possibly elsewhere and now the June 21st emancipation is under threat. What else did we really expect? Looks like Lockdown Large will be a feature for a while longer then! Featuring an unscripted bonus rant about feral children!
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Better late than never, Late Night Large gets its proverbial teeth into the new Champions League format with more holes than Swiss cheese. A cynic might suggest that the changes seem only to have been introduced to make more money, which is a concept we may have heard somewhere before not too long ago, but Mike and Aaron do a decent job of at least cosplaying Devil's advocate.
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Looks like the NHS has saved the day as usual. The vaccine roll-out has seen hospital admissions and deaths tumbling, so the liberty timeline is proceeding as planned. Lockdown Large may soon be no more! But, as usual, there is potential for a massive regression, particularly from a government that have yet to prove they can successfully run a bath. Aaron and Mike debate the coming freedoms and remind potential holidaygoers that a lot of the rest of the world are still mired in Covid, so please don't take us back to square one by bringing back a variant that makes its little brother look lazy.
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All the reaction from the unprecedented North West derby cancellation at Old Trafford thanks to fan power. As Mike and Aaron are both United fans, expect heartfelt invective against the vulture capitalist trolls known as the Glazer family. Not to mention old man Souness and ignorant young whippersnapper Jermaine Jenas for opening their gobs before doing even cursory research on the situation.
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Aaron and Mike get their teeth into the spectacular failure of the European Super League, the fallout, recriminations and what form this abomination may take next. Should we adopt the German 50+1 fan ownership model to stem this tide of thoughtless greed or is that too naive? All this and more on the show that always speaks for the common man and woman!
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It's hard to know where to start with this one. Johnson is beyond parody with his current levels of dishonest blunders and flagrant corruption and once more you would summise he sees himself as Scarface when he's actually Chief Wiggum, now being attacked by his erstwhile consigliere, the right dishonourable Mister Magoo of Barnard Castle. Amid these capers, there's time for some serious reflection on the West's vaccine protectionism that's allowing a blockbusting toll of cases and deaths in South East Asia, which of course contains most of the humans currently living on the planet.
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While lockdown has eased and it's looking brighty in Blighty, it's code red in India, though once again there seems to be a delay in closing travel to the area that seems a lot like us asking for trouble, again.
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So the cat is out of the bag - in the midst of a global pandemic, the owners of the six richest clubs in England have announced that they have signed agreements to join a European Super League. There is so much to unpack on this lunacy that Mike and Aaron have scrapped the 20 minute time limit and gone for a deep dive without scuba gear. Strap yourself in for some passionate polemic.
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It was inevitable - the VAR controversies have become too inexplicable to ignore any more, so Mike and Aaron are summoned to check the Zoom monitor and deliver their verdicts, with particular focus on the phantom 'fouls' apparently meted out to Son Heung-Min (RIP) and Ederson. Also, just how did James Tarkowski get away with attempting to reverse roundhouse Sean Longstaff's head off his shoulders?
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The promised land of social contact featuring al fresco libations is here! We'll hear more on these developments from Mike's new barnet, as well as reflecting on the former PM pig botherer's attempts to get his snout back in the taxpayers' trough, and wonder why the Met didn't feel the need to steam in and batter the attendees at a Prince Philips vigil who were clearly contravening Covid guidelines. Was it because Priti encourages virus transmission as long as its during due deference to the crown, or were the Met not sufficiently interested as one of their number has not been suspected to have nobbled Phil the Greek? Listen on to find out!
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Harry Kane is right up there with possibly only Erling Haaland and Robert Lewandowski in terms of prolific out-and-out centre forwards in world football right now, and sits right between them in age terms. He's heading for Jimmy Greaves' Spurs goals record and catching up Alan Shearer in the Premier League records fast, as well as being a Tottenham icon. But would he rather look back on a cabinet of elite winners' medals, rather than adulation and a cabinet of individual awards? Mike and Aaron shout the odds on whether Kane would dare to do the unthinkable...
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Things were starting to look up. Easter was nice, Spring is steadily emerging and the roadmap was actually on schedule! Then, inevitably, something contentious was announced. What do we think of the concept of 'Vaccine Passports', eh?
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As European qualifiers for the World Cup have begun, Mike and Aaron decided to review each performance level, and what their next couple of years seem to look like. Not particularly great if you're Irish, it has to be said.
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Spring is in the air, as is Covid, and we're seeing in our second year under a lockdown cloud, but wait, what's this? Lockdown is easing again! So we're all tentatively easing back into social awkwardness, hoping that the irresponsible twats among us don't ruin the vibes...and R rate.
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The title kind of gives this away. Mike (Bassett) and Aaron try and fail to come to a consensus with a best eleven of England internationals since 2000. No prizes for guessing the easiest choice for both lack of competition and nominative filth was the goalkeeper.
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It's been a whole year since shit got real, where has the time gone? We've had a minute's silence in respect of the 127k plus people who have lost their lives to this virus, but how did we get here? And what's the path back to relative normality looking like? Tune in to hear Mike and Aaron's characteristically frank takes.
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That athletic freak of nature known as Erling Haaland is making mincemeat of Champions League defences and a mockery of the old adages about young players needing some acclimatising to elite level men's football. But will he surpass Messi and Ronaldo as the very best in the next generation? Mike and Aaron tackle this subject at knee height.
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Another teeth-grinder of a week has unfolded, and Mike and Aaron are almost through the enamel...of the toilet bowl.
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The Moyesiah looked burned out when he failed at his big shot at Old Trafford, got Sunderland relegated and scraped survival with West Ham. He was yesterday's man...or so we thought. Now look at him, threatening the Champions' League places with a fine looking Irons side and the best win percentage since the great Billy Bonds! But is this a temporary bounce, or has Moyes reinvented himself for a new long term Premier League adventure?
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It's a very simple concept that an alarmingly large minority of puffins still can't seem to get their heads around...why bother wearing a face mask if you're not going to wear it properly? You're a grown adult...time to start acting like it, you sad-sacks.
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There's a funny pattern that has emerged in the last decade and a half with England. First Paul Robinson, then Joe Hart and now potentially Jordan Pickford (you could also add the sporadic understudies Scott Carson and Rob Green), have ascended to undisputed number one England goalkeeper, only to either make a rick (or two, or many if you're David James) or suffer a sustained period of poor form that not only deprives them of the England jersey, but sends their entire elite career into an early spiral of decline. Robinson rapidly tailed off well before his expected peak to end up standing in now and again at Burnley, while we all know the story with Joe Hart. Is Pickford destined to become the reserve Burnley goalkeeper in the next couple of years, or can he break the curse? Listen on for Aaron and Mike's baseless speculations!
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So Hancock's been handing out contracts to his buddies as if he can only get people to like him by bribing them....wait, yeah, nothing to see here. Interesting and entirely predictable to see the lack of coverage of a prominent cabinet minister being found to have broken the law in the press almost entirely owned by extraordinarily rich sociopaths, and it looks like the BBC neutering into Tory Pravda is complete, while the Labour party neutering into pusillanimous eunuchs is well on its way. Thanks a lot Keith. Meanwhile BJ looks like he has drawn us a 'roadmap' he scribbled on the back of that flyer he found at the local brothel. The absolute state of us.
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Goalscorers are crucial but less hard to find, and there are a glut of excellent goalkeepers in the Premier League right now, so is centre-back the most important position in a title winning team? After all, a case could be made for Kompany's retirement and Laporte's long-term absence costing Manchester City the title last season, and this season they seem to be running away with it despite missing their best midfielder De Bruyne and their best striker Aguero for large parts of this campaign, while Liverpool's wheels have come off chiefly because all 3 of their centre-backs are out at the same time. Manchester United's domination of the Premier league post-treble season abruptly ended when Fergie sold Jaap Stam despite having the prolific Ruud Van Nistelrooy backed up by Ole Gunnar Solskjaer...need I say more?
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Some rather entitled types seem to be at the departure gates of an alternate reality. We are still root deep in a pandemic, and they are apparently demanding to know when they can book their jaunts abroad this summer! Lockdown Large is here to remind them that they're not special, and they can f**king well stay put this year and suffer with the rest of us!
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We all know he'd be hoovering up silverware with Milan and Real Madrid if his name was Allardici, but who is the man behind the myth, and has he bitten off more than he can chomp into oblivion this time? Will Fireman Sam pull off his greatest rescue mission, or is he destined to resign in disgrace alongside his soul brother Pulis? Listen on to hear Aaron and Mike try in vain to sniff out their second balls in the latest thrilling episode of EXTRA TIME!
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Looks like the South African variant has potentially scuppered our premature optimism for a smooth track to herd immunity. The party of 'strong borders' seems strangely reticent to actually close the borders, meaning more variants standing more chances of getting into the country. Speaking of our country, there are worrying rumbles of discontent from Northern Ireland because of the customs chaos and the border in the Irish Sea that Boris Johnson still denies the existence of. Another vintage week in lockdown then!
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The Frank Lampard homecoming definitively turned sour, but why was it? And had he earned the homecoming in the first place? What about Gareth Bale? Did he return to genuinely make a difference for Spurs, has Mourinho mismanaged him, or is he now sulking because North London's finest golf clubs are closed because of Covid? Aaron and Mike give themselves 20 minutes to get to the bottom of both of these warmly welcomed prodigal sons' cautionary tales.
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The topics for discussion this episode were overshadowed not long after recording by the news of Captain Sir Tom Moore's death, shortly after contracting Covid. It's hard not to see this as the symbolic death knell of optimism, which the Captain's antics inspired in all of us during the first lockdown, but we press on regardless, and try to emulate his indomitable spirit of triumph through adversity. Rest in Peace, big man.
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We've had a nice icing this week, which was lovely, because almost everything else is going horribly wrong. Mike and Aaron grow in the snow as they rage about the world-beating Covid death rate per capita and just how far we are from the end of this disasterpiece.
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The picture's pretty bleak right now, but they do say that the night is darkest just before the dawn...right? At least Trumpty Dumpty's gone, right? Right???
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Only one place to start the chaos in this week's show: with the Yankee Doodle dipshits who put the 'riot' in 'patriot' on Capitol Hill! Comedy idiocy aside, five people were killed, some Democratic representatives have subsequently contracted Covid from being crammed into a small room to shelter with idiotic maskless Republicans while the mayhem unfolded, and some of the t-shirts and flags on display suggests that fascism is now a mainstream sentiment in some American heartlands. This isn't going to go away soon, even if America does remove their own Mad King George with haste. Hear what our own loony goons think about it. Correction: Apparently that flag shagging dude armed to the teeth didn't actually taser himself in the balls repeatedly (dammit), but in the spirit of the crowd who ran amuck, we are still going to say that's what happened, because if we believe it strongly enough, it's definitely true.
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Happy, um, healthy, um...survivable New Year! The clown car cavalcade is back from the Christmas break and ready to have you rolling in the hospital aisles once more! But enough about the government: Mike and Aaron are ready and willing to regurgitate the kind of puerile humour not fit for a pervert's Christmas cracker, in the hope that laughter will ease the pain and stifle the urge to crack each other's heads open and feast on the tasty goo inside...for another week.
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With thanks to www.freesfx.co.uk for the Late Night Large sound effects.
