New to Large? Here's a highlights reel to illustrate what you can expect from everyone's favourite topical radio show:
Episode 150 - 2020 Vision - A Review of the Year
Released - 9th January 2021
What is there left to be said about the bin fire of liquid shit that was 2020? Almost everyone had it bad, but let's be fair, not everyone lived in the UK, where the only aspect of pandemic management the government excelled at was rapidly shovelling taxpayers' money to their equally incompetent mates. The UK also decided to impose economic sanctions and bureaucracy on itself by the end of the year, so any recovery will be choked off and we can all look forward to a steady and permanent decline in living standards from here on in, probably whilst in extended lockdown to prevent the NHS collapsing entirely. Beat that, world!
Episode 149 - Christmas Cancelled on Leper Island - Citizens in Tiers
Released - 5th January 2021
Sometimes even hyperbole doesn't go far enough. If you had said at the dawn of the 2010s that by the opposite end of the decade we would be facing a raging pandemic under a government unable to protect its own citizens or economy but still adamant it would leave the world's largest trading bloc in the midst of a blockade on goods in or out of the kingdom at Christmas, well...you'd probably have been sectioned. But here we are. Christmas is cancelled after being promised it wouldn't be by the (world beating) king of overpromising and underdelivering. Food and medicine shortages also beckon very soon, but Mike and Aaron are here to add some measure of festive cheer to this disaster, like a fresh orange slice on a piss cocktail. Merry f**king Christmas!
Episode 148 - Christmas Special - Is Die Hard a Christmas Film?
Released - 30th December 2020
You wanted it you got it, you filthy animals. Tired of acerbic and increasingly nihilistic social commentaries, our reluctant heroes pontificate on perhaps the most important of the least important universal questions - is Die Hard a Christmas movie or not? Expect verbal scuffles and bullet-riddled debates and Mike crashing through your window holding his fire hose.
Episode 147 - SARS WARS - A New Strain!
Released - 11th December 2020
Just when we thought it was safe to dream of the vanquishment of our plague, there's a...new strain. Several actually, but Matt Hancock says there's nothing for us to worry about. So you know things are about to take a massive turn for the worse. Luckily Mike's here to be the proverbial dancing clown for us all.
Episode 146 - Just the vax, man?
Released - 11th December 2020
So the first immunisation has been injected...only another 68 odd million to go! Some seem to think the virus won't be an issue after Christmas...they may want to understand just how long it takes to vaccinate 68 million people, as well as the self-inflicted shortages and gridlocked roads anywhere near Kent, coming to a country near us this January. Aaron and Mike lay out a brief narrative for what's to come.
Episode 145 - Winter of Discontent
Released - 5th December 2020
Strap on those flares and disco wigs, 'cos we're heading back to the 1970s! Economically rather than culturally, sadly, and with climate change to look forward to...in the midst of the worst global pandemic in a century. No wonder we Doomers and Zoomers are pissed off, for this is the winter of our discontent. The Boomers are not best pleased either with the new tier system in England that replaces the effective lockdown we've just emerged from. Will we ever be happy again? A dose of Large will always bring a smile to one's face, and that's the best we've got right now my friends.
Episode 144 - Cummings Goings; Butcher's Dog Sent to Kennels
Released - 1st December 2020
A huge week in politics unfolded as Bojo's consigiliere Dominic Cummings lost his job six months too late, and the butcher's dog himself was forced into isolation for disobeying his own Covid precautions again. We'll always have Barnard Castle!
Episode 143 - Salvation?
Released - 27th November 2020
Amazingly, there have been mildly positive updates over the last week. The cartoon demagogue is to be evicted from the White House, and we finally have a promising vaccine to be dispensed by next Spring. With a track record of failure like our current government along with a no deal Brexit increasingly likely in January, could this just be a false dawn for a brighter future any time soon?
Episode 142 - Tiers of a Clown = Second Lockdown
Released - 18th November 2020
Well well well. What most of us were saying should happen weeks ago has finally happened - another lockdown. This one is seemingly a little different, with schools, colleges and universities continuing as normal, despite studies showing them as the most prolific Covid transmission spots. Instead, the plan is to close anything in any way related to leisure or recreation and ban overnight stays with a lover. Late Night Large would like to go on the record to state that they cannot fathom how this could possibly foment unrest in the population.
Episode 141 - Suffer Little Children
Released - 7th November 2020
Not content with euthanising those in their frail dotage without consent, the government this week voted against a motion to provide free school meals over the Christmas period for kids in any of the estimated 4 million families living in poverty in the country. Over a Christmas period, lest we forget, where they may be in lockdown, with their parents most likely laid off...in the middle of a global pandemic. Aaron and Mike tear opponents of giving kids a guaranteed good meal a day a new arsehole in this combative edition.
Episode 140 - The Desperate North
Released - 3rd November 2020
The Greater Manchester mayor Andy Burnham is kicking off, as the new 3 tier system introduced by the government threatens swathes of Northern England with wide-ranging lockdown measures but insufficient funds to allow the locals to stay alive. Who will win this battle of wills? Plus Aaron and Mike reiterate that Serco are solely responsible for the test and trace fiasco we are now in, along with the government that just renewed their contract for Test and Trace with no penalties for the failures that have meant nearly half the country will be going into effective lockdowns with insufficient money to live on leading up to Christmas. Sometimes it's hard to laugh at these goings on, but then you hear Mike talk and...
Episode 139 - Happy Birthday, Mister President
Released - 17th October 2020
You might have heard of someone important contracting Covid recently. Amusingly, the victim has spent the best part of the year calling the virus a hoax, claiming it was made in a Chinese lab to hurt America, saying it was no more dangerous than flu and implying that people who wore face masks were wusses. But just how profound are these roosting chickens going to prove to be? With the best taxpayer-funded medical treatment other people's money can buy, it certainly seems as if this notorious tax evader has once again scammed other people to get himself out of a hole of his own making. In other news that will surprise nobody, Matt Hancock has overseen the catastrophic loss of tens of thousands of Covid tracing details, meaning many infected people and their contacts will be entirely unaware of their risk. If we didn't know better, we might suspect that they're trying to deliberately engineer a second lockdown or something.
Episode 138 - Covid on Campus
Released - 11th October 2020
Despite telling students it was perfectly safe to return (or go for the first time) to university digs, many campuses have inevitably seen Covid outbreaks, leading to Freshers being confined to their rooms under house arrest before they've even had a chance to meet new friends, drink themselves into a coma or transmit viruses of the sexually transmitted kind. As well as missing the one-time Freshers fun, these poor young 'uns are now being taught exclusively online, meaning they are paying through the nose for being imprisoned away from home to do an online course they could have got a lot cheaper had they not deliberately chosen the University experience. Is this just unfortunate timing, or is Captain Cynic right when he suggests that this was forecast to happen but the whole university funding model would collapse without tuition fees and rent from these succulent young cash cows? Mike and Aaron have been mainlining cynicism at the moment so you may be able to guess their answer.
Episode 137 - Stay Alert-er!
Released - 8th October 2020
Well, well, well. Reality once again has the Prime Minister scrambling around chiding the public and looking for restrictions that don't involve a full lockdown, despite the fact we all know that the second lockdown is pretty inevitable. The real debate is how it will affect the Christmas celebrations, spoiler alert: Christmas is cancelled. So, if it's not clear, no more getting half-cut 'til closing time, no more eat out to help out and for God's sake do NOT return to your offices. Only potentially another 6 months of this, so buckle up and hunker down!
Episode 136 - Second Wave Incoming!
Released - 25th September 2020
The inevitable second wave, and resultant lockdown, is fast approaching, just in time for Christmas! Is there any hope of a festive miracle, or can we only hope for a yuletide spent with fines dropped through the letterbox from the Covid Marshall stormtroopers rather than Christmas cards from the jolly postman.
Episode 135 - Faith in Failure
Released - 17th September 2020
Apparently the reproduction 'R' rate of coronavirus has shot up worryingly in the UK again, driven by young people according to Health Secretary Matt Hancock. But reopening schools with no plan is definitely nothing to do with it. Cities in the north are still under local lockdowns, the test and trace system is not fit for purpose, and workers are resolutely refusing to needlessly return to city centre offices. It couldn't be going better basically, and Mike and Aaron want you to know that they embrace the chaos like champs.
Episode 134 - Sacrifices to the Crow Gods
Released - 10th September 2020
Alright alright, you've had your fun, nothing to see here now so get back to the office pronto or you'll be on permanent unpaid furlough. It didn't take long for the government to stop pretending to genuinely care about the average worker's health and wellbeing, but is this ambiguous threat/order really in the nation's best interests anyway? I mean, what's forty thousand excess deaths and counting between friends? Mike and Aaron try to suppress their cynicism as we prepare our sacrifices to the crow gods.
Episode 133 - Hard-Boiled Pandemia
Released - 19th August 2020
As if we didn't have enough to be miserable about, we've been sweating like Prince Andrew at a school disco (he does sweat, trust us). So why has the sun seemingly set up camp outside our bedroom windows? You won't like the answer. Neither did the kiddies like the Ofqual algorithm telling them they're stupid cos they're poor. Oh, and we're in the deepest recession since the Second World War, and you know that's all the way to the root. But we all need some light entertainment in these apocalyptic days, so here we are!
Episode 132 - Quantum Virology
Released - 12th August 2020
It looks as if we're currently dealing with Schrodinger's virus right now in the UK - where it is both so contagious we must wear face masks in shops and keep our distance from strangers, whilst also going out as often as possible to the pub and shopping centres to spend money. Is this state of affairs really sustainable. Mike and Aaron don't know, but you can be damn sure they have some strong opinions either way.
Episode 131 - Flooded Corridor
Released - 24th July 2020
Well, the 'Air Corridor' scheme didn't take long to fail. But just how practical is a 14-day quarantine with no way of enforcing it? This question and a few others will be on the lips of our appropriately masked vigilantes as they debate the latest lockdown antics on this gloriously unhinged island we call the UK.
Episode 130 - Masked Mayhem!
Released - 24th July 2020
Face coverings are now a legal requirement in UK shops, and Lockdown Large couldn't be more excited! Not that they expect it in any way to be enforceable, but the inevitable hilarious conflicts will be worth any personal inconvenience so let's all try to enjoy this pretty logical imposition while we can to avoid needlessly killing our fellow citizens. As part of the fun, Mike goes through a selection of masked figures to enlighten as us to which versions will be acceptable to the average retail manager so educate yourself to avoid disappointment!
Episode 129 - Super Saturday and Other Stories
Released - 13th July 2020
Did somebody summon the patron saints of bad ideas? By government decree, lockdown is almost over, and eager patrons are allowed to have their hair cut and get twatted in the alehouse again! Social distancing shall be enforced with a stern wag of the finger and the pandemic shall shrink in the face of such wanton revelry...are Mike and Aaron grateful at this turn of events, or more apprehensive at the inevitable prospects.
Episode 128 - Herd Behaviour
Released - 4th July 2020
A person is smart, people are stupid, the old aphorism goes. Then again, as the great George Carlin once noted: "Think of how stupid the average person is, then remember...half the population are dumber than that!" The two high priests of imbecility and disorder debate crowd psychology and irresponsibility in the wake of the scenes at beaches along the south coast, following the announcement that lockdown measures were significantly easing...to be put into effect about 10 days after the announcement. Who is most to blame for this breakdown in order and what can we deduce from this fiasco in the months to come, as a second wave seems to grow more likely by the day? Tune in to find out, as well as enjoying an epic rant from Mike!
Episode 127 - Cruel Summer in Lockdown?
Released - 26th June 2020
School's been out for a lot longer than just summer for our summertime simpletons simmering softly in the sunshine, pepped up on goofballs. Aestival concerns drive the agenda for this Lockdown Large - just what are we going to miss out on? Is Dionysian revelry around the corner, or will it simply forever be the lost summer of '20?
Episode 126 - Habits of a Locktime
Released - 19th June 2020
There are global, national, local and personal habits that have been somewhat forced upon us by the coronavirus pandemic that aren't entirely unpleasant. Strangers staying out of your grille and filthy buggers being shamed into washing their hands regularly for example. Our randy roustabouts relish discussing which of these new norms they'd like to take forward into the new world with all the decorum you'd expect from these eternal scourges of the cognoscenti
Episode 125 - Love and Lust in Lockdown
Released - 5th June 2020
Social isolation can play havoc with a man's libido. We've heard it may be the same with women. How we are all coping now those of us outside of a stable cohabiting relationship are technically incels? What about those llucky few living the dream in each other's pockets all day? Love, much like life, (and Mike, according to the prosecution) will find a way.
Episode 124 - Lockdown - The Next Phase
Released - 5th June 2020
Lockdown is getting a little tiresome but it's still technically in place, not that you might know from media coverage. Luckily, your two horny hound dogs are here to take you through the finer points of the new liberties we have been granted by our incompetent overlords, as well as an outrageous new prohibition that should go against every fibre of Mike's being. You might be surprised.
Episode 123 - The Dominic Cummings Debacle
Released - 31st May 2020
Our two mutinous monkeys delve into the most topical public outrage of the lockdown, as the Prime Minister's Special Advisor gets away with (potentially not entirely figurative) murder. Where does this leave respect for lockdown rules and the integrity of the government? Lockdown Large doesn't have to worry about such trifling concerns as integrity, so they plunge headlong into the imbroglio and sound off.
Episode 122 - 'The Future of Football'
Released - 25th May 2020
Lockdown Large continues as our two housebound heroes debate the coming decisions on the future of professional football in England. Can they kick it safely? Mike confirms he's ready to stand in for any Premier League players who feel unable to take the risk, turning it from sport to comedy in the time it takes to cover an errant sneeze.
Episode 121 - 'Lockdown Large'
Released - 17th May 2020
Applying rigorous social distancing, our two Covid Corvids talk about how they're seeing the brave new world, and how we've got here.
Episode 120 - 'Formality'
First broadcast 20th January 2017
Handshakes and penguin suits all round as Mike combs his hair and watches his mouth for long enough to make a good impression for an important engagement with Her Majesty's Criminal Justice System. What are these strange customs and dress codes we demand of others and ourselves, and what function do they perform? Listen on for a lesson in etiquette and courtesy, soon disregarded and mocked by our disrespectful dilettantes.
Episode 119 - 'Whistleblowing'
First broadcast 2nd January 2017
Telling tales or ensuring ethical excellence? Attention-seeking snitch or social justice warrior? These moral dichotomies, and many more, are shot into the air like confetti as Mike invites you to blow his whistle, baby. Meanwhile, Aaron pushes the silent alarm and prepares his statement for the authorities.
Episode 118 - 'Preservation'
First broadcast 20th December 2016
Food and corpses tend to rot too quickly for convenience, while digital data is always at risk from corruption and theft. What we need are ways to protect these important things for longer...Wikipedia will tell us how! The preservation of all of the above, plus a few more are on the proverbial whiteboard tonight, though strangely not life itself. Make of that what you will.
Episode 117 - 'Cosplay'
First broadcast 5th December 2016
The weird and wonderful world of costume play is well worth examining Ingenuity and imagination combined with a photogenic figure makes for a cosplay sensation, and Mike is determined to knuckle down and study the subject intensely. Just don't ask to see his Spiderman under any circumstances.
Episode 116 - 'Nightclubbing'
First broadcast 19th October 2016
Dressed to the nines and feeling fine, the night soon goes downhill as Mike gets lairy with the men and cheeky with the women. Some illicit substances and lewd dancing later, the head bouncer makes Mike's enemy list, as he sleeps it off in a holding cell.
Episode 115 - 'Marriage'
First broadcast 8th October 2016
Going together like a horse and carriage, the witless wonders proceed to catch the bouquet while gabbering about nuptials and bondage until they're thrown out of the church. Is the spirit of matrimony still sacrosanct, despite Mike's best efforts? There's only one way to find out.
Episode 114 - 'Incarceration'
First broadcast 20th January 2016
Prepare to burn your mattress and throw it at the screws, as our two jailbait-chasers are on 'lockdown' for inciting a prison riot. With all the time in the world to think about what they've done, Mike and Aaron use their captivity to discuss means, motive and opportunity for imprisonment, as well as some inappropriate gags about prison sex.
Episode 113 - 'Betrayal'
First broadcast 18th September 2015
Dante judged those guilty of treachery to be among the worst sinners, frozen in the deepest circle of the Inferno, and that's where Mike soon regrets taking a leak. Expect to hear rigorous and possibly infantile debate on the motives for betrayal, as well as a lowdown on history's most famous back-stabbers.
Episode 112 - 'Awards'
First broadcast 12th June 2015
Recognition comes in many forms, but Aaron and Mike only care about the kind that comes with a precious metal lustre in this trophy-laden edition of the usually sparsely-decorated topical radio fiasco. Hear about the many forms of peer approval and adulation as Mike's spiteful envy sees him kick the podium over at the Paralympics.
Episode 111 - 'Body modification'
First broadcast 4th June 2015
Our two mutilated grotesques spend a little too long lingering on the more nauseating prospects of body augmentation, including anal tattooing, voluntary amputation, and everything in between. More than a few cautionary tales and wince-inducing verbal images abound, in this unforgettably embellished episode that would leave Dr Frankenstein himself in raptures!
Episode 110 - 'Trolling'
First broadcast 28th May 2015
They see us trollin' - they hatin'. Or we are. Drunken hecklers; catcallers; bullies; all real-life versions of the online phenomena: the troll. As rude as he is gluttonous, you should never feed a troll after midnight. Or at all. Stalking online forums only to sow discord and abuse, it's no surprise to hear Mike having a modicum of sympathy for these love-starved weirdos. What constitutes trolling and what are its motivations? Listen on to find out. Just try not to be a sensitive little flower.
Episode 109 - 'Advertising'
First broadcast 24th March 2015
They say you can roll excrement in glitter and it will still be excrement, but what if you launch a multimedia viral campaign on the benefits and social status glitter-encrusted filth will afford you? What if your favourite celebrity was snapped with one in their handbag, or it appeared as the object of idolatry in a bling-drenched music video? Perhaps coming a close third in the fabrication stakes only to the realms of politics and Public Relations, Aaron and Mike lift a lid on the extraordinarily expensive and illusory fantasy world of advertising.
Episode 108 - 'Gardening'
First broadcast 15th January 2015
Our two creeping weeds query how Mary-Quite-Contrary's garden grows, while Mike typically beats around her bush, and leaves his green thumbprints all over the scene of the crime...
Episode 107 - 'Dance'
First broadcast 27th November 2014
'Grease'? 'Flashdance'? Well Mike has certainly been described as greasy and has been known to flash on the dancefloor. His representative also clarified that in Mike's opinion, the dirtier the dancing, the better. Slut-drop with the two twerking twerps as they examine the human body in sensual rhythmic motion.
Episode 106 - 'Creation'
First broadcast 17th October 2014
Feel that spark of ingenuity, that explosion of euphoric rapture in making something original! Only to discover someone else thought of it, and made it, a lot better before you. What this has to do with everyone's favourite groundbreaking online radio show is beyond me. Just listen and all will become clear. Maybe.
Episode 105 - 'Performance Art'
First broadcast 3rd October 2014
Dropping their kecks, necking brake fluid and firing up the Bunsen burner, our two maladjusted miscreants play with dangerous and sordid implements purely to convey a profound artistic statement to the esoteric masses. Will you get it?
Episode 104 - 'Fitness'
First broadcast 19th August 2014
F is for Fat, I is for Idle and T is for....never you mind. Our two out-of-shape oafs illicit suggestions on treating their body as a temple rather than a slagheap from special guest and bodybuilding enthusiast; Greig Ross. Besides the sensible advice, rest assured there will be plenty of roister-doistering from our resident slovenly slobs.
Episode 103 - 'Housework'
First broadcast 19th June 2014
Stock up with Ajax and prepare yourselves for a life of banal drudgery slaving away over a hot stove and retrieving the head of the bog brush, for the Sisyphean theme of domestic labour.
Episode 102 - 'Engineering'
First broadcast 22nd May 2014
Our pair of dense pillars take the piston again, as they investigate what happens when Mother Maths and Father Physics love each other so much that they perform carnal acts to create a functional art baby.
Episode 101 - 'Human Nature'
First broadcast 8th April 2014
Listen on as our two primates climb down from the trees to see what it feels like to shower and walk upright. While they're down, they restrain themselves from hurling excrement for long enough to discuss the motivations, ideals and patterns of behaviour observed in their close cousins: the human race.
Aaron Bliss and Mikey Large
With thanks to www.freesfx.co.uk for the Late Night Large sound effects.